


Not Again, Never Again

by bergaraguitara



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Sorry Not Sorry, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 14:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20229130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bergaraguitara/pseuds/bergaraguitara
Summary: There's too much riding on their relationship for it to escalate beyond the friendship they have. They both know it, and they both suppress the feelings that overcome them sometimes.After a near-death experience during the filming of an Unsolved episode... you guess the rest





	Not Again, Never Again

**Author's Note:**

> look, I'm not the best at writing fanfics. But this is an idea i had. please give some comments/feedback so i can get better!!! slash what you'd like to see. love you guys. #boogara

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we investigate the Bell Witch Cave in Adams, Tennessee, as part of our ongoing investigation into the question, are ghosts real?” Shane shakes his head just as TJ calls cut. “Acoustics are weird in here, guys. Give us a second.” 

Ryan gestures to the vast surroundings. “No shit, TJ, we’re in a fucking cave!”

TJ sets down the boom mic and comes towards Ryan with a menacing look on his face, as Ryan giggles and retreats, calling, “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit..”

TJ catches up with him and grabs his shirt as Ryan continues to laugh and dodge him. “You’re the one who drags us to these hellholes, Bergara!” Ryan throws his arms up, yelling, “yeah, in the name of science!”

“Don’t you fucking dare call it science!”, Shane calls. TJ releases Ryan as he calls a “fuck you!” over his shoulder to his co-host. He turns around to Shane sitting against the wall of the cave, laughing at him. “Just get the camera back on so I can ask this thing to kill me.”

Ryan wheezes and sits down next to him. “I don’t get why you want to die so bad, man,” grunting as he slides down the wall of the cave. Shane has pulled out his phone and is scrolling through instagram. “Seriously. Even if you don’t believe in this stuff, just the idea of it has to be terrifying.” 

“Nope.” Shane pops the P. “Wind doesn’t scare me like you, Bergara.”

“Come on, you jackass.” Ryan rests his head against the wall of the cave, looking up at the taller man. “For hundreds of years, people have said they’ve seen the ghost of a witch in here. They’d have no way of knowing!” His own words made him shiver. “Fuck.”

Shane clicks his phone off and looks down at Ryan. “You okay, little guy?” He smiles crookedly and ruffles up Ryan’s hair. He whimpers as he tries to fix it. Shane smiles down at him while his co-star isn’t looking. He watches Ryan stroking his hands through his hair, trying to reform its shape, muttering to himself in annoyance. Shane turns back forward and closes his eyes. 

“I can’t believe we’re sleeping in here,” Ryan whined. Shane laughed as the beam of his flashlight swept the high top of the cave.   
A bat suddenly ripped through the cave. Ryan screamed and slid to the floor, Shane looking down at him from his sitting position, amused. “F- fuck this place, dude!”

“Come on, Ryan,” Shane lowers his flashlight to his co-star’s face, “it’s just a bat. Not the ghostie.”

“Shut up, man. You don’t even understand how—“ Another pat passes through, and Ryan shrieks again, this time leaping closer to Shane, leaning into the taller man’s chest, surprising them both. Ryan continues to hyperventilate into Shane’s chest, clinging to his shirt, inhaling the smell of Shane as it somehow calms him. 

Shane’s eyebrows have skyrocketed to his hairline, his arms hovering over Ryan Bergara in shock for a few moments before lowering down onto his back, pulling him closer. He sinks his face into his hair. “It’s okay,” he murmurs into Ryan’s once again messed-up hair. “It’s okay, little guy.”

They stay there for a few minutes. It feels so natural; Ryan snuggled up against Shane. They both keep track of the other’s breathing, overthinking the comfort of the other.

Ryan has no intention of moving. It’s cold in this cave, and the Big Guy’s warmth, like so many other things about him, brings him comfort.

They’re almost lulled into a trance when TJ’s voice rings out from across the cave, telling them that they’d fixed the audio. Ryan leapt apart from Shane, clearing his throat. 

“You okay?” Ryan turned to see his friend, looking at him with genuine concern, and maybe a trace of hurt. He smiles back at him, reassuring. It makes him feel better to watch Shane’s big, dopey smile spread across his face.

“You know,” Shane continues as he stands up, “we should have taken an instagram story of that. The fans would have gone insane.”

Ryan felt himself blush intensely. “What do you mean?”

Shane shrugs as he brushes off his jeans. “You know, all that Shyan shit.”

Ryan’s eyes slide to the cave floor. “Right.”

He wasn’t going to act like he didn’t know what Shane was talking about. Both of them knew well the fantasy that their fan base had created, and in some cases, avidly promoted. But, that was normal, especially at Buzzfeed. There was fan fiction and ships between the Try Guys, Ladylike, Worth It… People loved love. It shouldn’t bother him. 

When Steven had informed him of the fan fiction, Ryan had stopped dead in his tracks. The show had just ended its first season, most of which had aspired without Shane. Though they’d been on shows together in the past, and people did seem to love their chemistry…

“Look it up if you’re so curious, Bergara.” Steven put his headphones back on and continued editing. “Jackass,” Ryan muttered under his breath. Still, he was… curious.

His fingers hovered over his keyboard, overwhelmed with how stupid this was. Ryan Bergara x Shane Madej fan fiction.

He hit enter into Google. Thousands of results. Shit.

He closed his eyes and asked for forgiveness to whatever hell he was going to for clicking on the first story that popped up. 

At first, he just thought it was silly, if not entertaining. Harmless pining, even cute plot lines, involving inside jokes and cute references to the show, proving their fanbase was as invested as he once dreamed they’d be.

The first series he’d read was just that: sweet and a little weird to him. The first work was about them coming back from a haunted location. He and Shane were secretly dating, and when they got back into their apartment, Ryan had broken down at the rougher-than-usual night he’d had in the house. Shane had comforted him, cussed himself for not noticing sooner, and they’d snuggled until they fell asleep. The chapter ended with a chaste kiss.

Ryan gulped at the notion. 

The next story was a different reality, where Shane was an angel, dating Ryan. He was hit by the writing of the work. They seemed so… in love. The way the writer described them. When Shane informed Ryan that he was an angel, and would not have much time left on the Earth, Ryan had cried, and had taken him to a field to talk things over.

Later in the fic, Shane died in Ryan’s arms. A tear slid down real-life Ryan’s cheek. He closed the window on his computer and walked up to the roof of Buzzfeed, trying to compose himself until he walked out the door. 

He knew it was just a fanfic. If anything, it was a symbol of how successful their show had become. 

But, it triggered a very real memory of only a few months ago. 

Ryan had been driving in LA with his brother in the passenger seat, listening to music. He remembered it vividly. The question came out of nowhere.

“Are you gay, Ryan?”

Ryan coughed and swerved a little. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Jake put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, sorry.”

Ryan double taked him. “Absolutely the fuck not, you aren’t ending with that. Where did that come from?”

Jake shook his head, his face laced with regret. “I’m sorry. It’s stupid. I just wanted you to know that, if you were, you could tell me.”

“Why did you ask that, Jake.”

The car was silent for a few moments.

“I just..”, Jake struggled to find the words. “I thought you had a thing for Shane.”

A thick silence filled the air.

“Why would you think that?” Ryan asked flatly.

“When we were at dinner last night. I don’t know. I’ve seen you flirt before, man. And I’ve seen you… in love before. You were staring at him. Your face lit up when he looked at you. You edged closer to him. You looked up at him like, like you loved him.”

Feelings swirled inside Ryan. He knew exactly what Jake was talking about; his brother had vocalized thoughts he himself had tried so hard to push down. 

“I don’t know what I am, man,” Ryan softly confessed. “But I don’t know what to tell you.”

Jake was staring at him. “It’s okay.” He paused. “He’s a great guy, Ryan. You’ve been with so many girls who— who didn’t treat you well. Jenna, Christie.” He paused again, searching for words. He almost sounded like he was holding back tears. “I thought I’d have to watch you marry someone who was really, really horrible to you. But if you love him, or even like him, man, you have feelings for someone who treats you right. He knows what to say to you. He knows how to make you laugh. He knows you, man.”

Ryan turns his head to his brother in shock just as the truck ran a red light. Their car T-boned with the semi-truck. The last thing Ryan remembered was his brother bent over him, yelling, calling for help.

When he woke up in the hospital bed, his brother wasn’t in the room, but someone was. A man, tall beyond reason, holding his head in his hands, muttering. “I’m so sorry, Ry,” he was muttering to himself, not knowing Ryan was awake. He was crying. Ryan stared in disbelief. “I’m so sorry I never told you.” A tear fell to the ground.

“Told me what?” Not lifting his head from the pillow, Ryan’s shit-eating grin spread across his face. Shane’s head shot up, his eyes filling with grief, love, adoration, gratefulness, before shooting forwards to hug Ryan, laying across his body on the bed. Ryan’s heart just about stopped, for a non-medical reason. The smell of Shane’s shampoo and his tears, the feeling of the Big Guy’s body shaking with sobs as he hugged him. 

And the memory, how after Ryan was released, Shane had taken him to a cliff overlooking the ocean. With a field behind it. To talk.

Even though, for the most of it, they sat silently, next to each other, watching the sun set. 

Shane broke the silence with “I would have killed you if you’d died, Ryan.” His voice cracks.

Shit, Ryan thinks after a moment, as he edges towards Shane, putting his head on his shoulder. I fucking hate when Jake’s right. 

He pushed away all thoughts of concern he had at the feelings he was having for a man, not just any man, but his best friend, his coworker. But when Shane looked down at him, his stubble brushing Ryan’s forehead, his soft, droopy brown eyes gazing at him lovingly with the golden sun lighting them up like pools of honey, Ryan felt a tear fall. Not only had he almost lost his life. He’d almost lost a life that had this incredible person in it. 

He vowed, then and there, to tell Shane how he felt. One day.

Sitting on the Buzzfeed roof, Ryan sobbed at how eerily the memory coincided with the fanfic he had just read.

“I love Shane Madej,” he whispered, just to say it out loud. Tears fall. “I love him.” 

The boys finish filming the intro of the episode in the Bell Witch Cave, and after a few hours of investigation and Ryan screaming, the crew packed up to leave them there for the night as the boys laid out their sleeping bags. As a final taunt, TJ squatted down beside Ryan to tuck in his sleeping bag and booped him on the nose. “Night night, sleep tight!” 

Ryan swatted him. “Shut up, you fucking heathen.” TJ laughed maniacally as he exited the cave.

When the echoes of the crew’s footsteps became inaudible, Shane turned on his side to Ryan, propping up his head with his elbow. When Ryan refused to look over at the eyes he felt on him, Shane gave a soft, coaxing, “look at me, Bergara.”

When Ryan’s questioning eyes, those beautiful, adorable brown eyes, trained on him, Shane almost forgot his words. He almost forgot his name. Still. “I’m sorry.”

Ryan shook his head and blushed. “It’s fine. We knew the fans shipped us. If anything, playing into it is smart.”

Shane furrowed his brows, and let out a deep breath. “I’m not apologizing for that, Ryan.”

Ryan sat up, confused. 

Shane sighed, and was about to continue, just as the loud sound of running footsteps echoed. Very, very close to them. Terrified, Ryan grabbed his flashlight and aimed it towards the sound. 

“Teej?” Ryan yelled. His voice shook. No answer.

“TJ!” Shane tried.

“Not cool if it’s you, man,” Ryan spoke. “We’re actually trying to—“ 

He was cut off by the same running sound. The boys looked at each other. Ryan looked terrified, shaking his head at the question in Shane’s eyes. “No. No, man.”

“For the sake of the show, Ryan. Let’s go find that wind.” Shane kicked his sleeping bag off his long legs and grabbed the go-pro. Ryan’s knees shook as he stood up. Shane was already around the corner of the cave. “Don’t leave me alone, fuckhead!” Ryan ran after him.

“You’re the fuckhead!” Rumble.

Silence. Right as Shane had spoken. something had changed. Rumble. It happened again. The boys stared at each other. 

“Shane.”

Rumble. 

Ryan looked up just as the cave began to collapse. He looked down, back at Shane, strangely unworried. It was slow motion.

“RYAN!” The emotion that swept over Shane’s face was legible. It was, no. God, please no. not again. don’t you dare. don’t you dare try to take him from me. And suddenly.

Suddenly, Shane is running to him, whisking him out of the way, pulling him, carrying him, dodging, running, panting. The world is collapsing around them. 

Shane drags him farther into the cave, until eventually, something falls onto Ryan’s leg, pinning him, stopping Shane in his tracks. “Fuck,” he whispers frantically. “FUCK!” He throws his body over Ryan’s. He can hear the taller man. “Please, please God, no.”

The rumbling stops after a few more minutes. 

Ryan is still in a daze. Shane is sobbing over him.

“Ry?”

Ryan’s voice may be only a whisper, but it’s a response when he says, “Shane.”

Shane pulls back, looking into Ryan’s eyes. Into the beautiful, the absolutely beautiful eyes. 

Shane had come to terms with this long ago. He was in love with Ryan, and he would never love him back. He never had any shred of hope.

But, Ryan had now been almost ripped from his world not once, but twice. 

Those almond eyes pooled with tears. 

“You saved me, Big Guy.”

Shane edged closer to him, suddenly filled with rage. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.” He grabbed Ryan by the shirt and pulled him close in fury. “You would have died, Ryan!” Shane is panting, tears falling and his voice cracking as his yells reverberate through the cave. “I am never getting that call again! I am never—“ he is racked with sobs. 

Ryan shakes his head, his eyes not breaking contact. 

“I’m sorry,” Ryan’s voice breaking. “I’m sorry.”

“NO!” Shane is still fuming. “God damn it, Ryan!” 

“I was in shock!”

“You almost— Ryan!” Shane’s eyes close in tears.

“Why are you yelling at me?!”

Shane pants, staring into his eyes for a few moments in rage that, without warning, melts into something else. “Fuck,” he breathes, as he launches himself into Ryan, their lips meeting suddenly in an explosion of heat.

Yes.

This is what had been missing. This is what had taken not one, but two life and death experiences to occur. They were way past chaste now. They were living in a fan fiction.

Ryan’s sharp exhale when their lips met didn’t stop him from wrapping his arms around Shane’s back and pulling him into his body. The kiss was heavy, both panting as it got sloppier and sloppier. When Shane bit Ryan’s bottom lip, the shorter one let out a moan and pulled him closer.

Losing control of himself with Ryan’s noises, Shane growled and launched himself onto Ryan, knocking him backwards onto the floor. Ryan opened his knees as Shane fell between them, kissing and nibbling at Ryan’s neck and jaw. Ryan held one hand firmly against Shane’s back, clawing at the fabric, while the other raked through his hair and pushed him into his neck. “Fuck, Ry,” Shane’s hot breath made Ryan shiver under him.

“Shane,” Ryan breathily moaned, arching his back.

Shane picked himself up, staring at Ryan’s beautiful eyes.

“That was,” Ryan’s breathing still heavy, “an interesting coping method.”

Shane laughed. “Ryan.” He paused, shook his head, and continued. “I know this could ruin everything. Everything you’ve worked for, I mean, I’m a piece of shit for this. But I’m not waiting any more for something else to almost kill you.”

Ryan was staring up from his position laying down on the floor, up at this wonderful man, whose stubble grazed against his own. Shane’s thumb rubbed lovingly over Ryan’s cheekbone as a tear slid onto his face.

“I love you, Ryan,” Shane whispered.

Ryan knew, in that moment, his brother was right.

He loved this man, this incredible person who treated him well, who would risk his life to save his, who loved him back. These feelings, this overwhelming want of this person on top of him, not just physical want, but domestic, deep, truly in every way in life want. Not another girl who wouldn’t treat him right, but a man who would every day of his life.

He had never felt love like this before.

He shook his head in disbelief. Shane loved him.

“I love you, Shane.” He arched his back to get closer to him. “I love you.” He cupped his hand around Shane’s scruff at the back of his neck. The way Shane’s face lit up with joy when he heard the words. The way Ryan smiled as he pulled him back in for a kiss.

Realer, human footsteps echoed and emerged through the hole of the collapsed cave. 

“RYAN!” TJ’s frantic voice yelled, followed by dozens of others. “SHANE!” 

“We’re here!”

TJ turned to see the boys on top of each other with no shame.

He shook his head, laughing in disbelief. “Well,” he said, “two tragedies occurred in this cave tonight.” 

Ryan gave his echoing laugh as he threw his head back and Shane’s eyes watched him lovingly.

TJ gagged. “Seriously. Love you guys. But Jesus, nobody needs to see that. And I definitely didn’t need you two being on the same side from now on.” He threw his hands up. “I’m the last fucking rational person on this crew.”

Shane helped Ryan stand up, listing off his clothes. “Shut up, Teej.”

Because, then, with Ryan’s alive eyes staring back at him, full with love and relief at the words they’d spoken, and Shane’s big, dumb forehead resting against Ryan’s.

Everything, Ryan knew, would be okay. For the first time, everything was okay.


End file.
